so our moving date got pushed back until the 23rd of this month and we are currently scrambling to find a place to live in Portland.. most of the places we have found want us to be in portland before they rent to us... it scares me to move somewhere without a place to live already set up..
so i'm 28 now as of last friday at 3:56pm and i feel okay about it.. at least i'm finally taking risks and doing things.. i spent too much of my life being "so afraid to fail i hardly tried"..
i need to make some more calls and start re-packing things for the move... i hope all is well with everyone!
Rather nervous... If anyone has any useful information to give I would greatly appreciate it!
christopher and i have decided we want to do a comic or a series of them... he's trying to encourage me to do the drawing and i must say i am nervous about that. neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed practice and lots of it.
new york is so beautiful in the summertime.. lightning bugs flickering, little frogs hopping about, and air i can actually breathe... the only thing i could do without is being bitten by every mosquito in the tri-state area but that's my fault because i haven't been taking my garlic tablets..
have any of you ever written a comic or mini comic?
is anyone else going to comicon this year? we (christopher & i) have full passes(+preview night! woo!) and i am BEYOND excited to see Adrian Tomine and force him to sign more of my books and whatnot. Also, if anyone is NOT going to comicon but loves Adrian or some other artist that's going to be there.. and has things they would like signed please let me know! I'll most likely be waiting in line to have things of my own signed anyway...That's actually how i got some of my earlier Tomine stuff signed(a friend was kind enough to take my things to comicon and wait in line for me). Anyhow, not too much new to say really. It's bloody hot in this studio apartment and if it weren't for the off shore breeze my cat and i would most likely keel over. i'm looking for friends that want to go on bike rides.. i love riding by myself but it's even more enjoyable with good company y'know? Hope you are all well..
just when things were starting to look up i got a call last night from my cousin abel telling me they found my mom unconscious in her apartment after someone contacted my aunt worried because she hadn't called or showed up to work in two days. my mom was rushed by ambulance to orange coast memorial hospital and when i arrived my worst fears were confirmed. my mother tried to kill herself by taking an overdose of several prescribed medications. i've been spending most of my time at the hospital and i'm having the hardest time sleeping. my mom has had us all fooled into thinking she was doing okay when she clearly wasn't. hopefully she will get the help she needs now and will come to realize what a precious gift life really is. i'm hanging in there but i am having a really hard time accepting the fact that my mother has lost her will to live. this is the same person who used to get angry when she would hear of other people committing suicide and would say things like "that is the most selfish thing someone could do" and "don't they realize how much pain and suffering they are putting their loved ones through?!" as bad as things ever got or seemed to be in my life there are people who love me and i could not and would not put them through what we are going through. my mom is everything to me... my mother... my father(mine passed away when i was a small child)... and one of my best friends. i don't really know what else to say right now... so i guess i shall end it here and attempt to get a little sleep before heading back to the hospital..
may god take you into his loving arms tammy faye... you were/are a beacon of light and in my opinion.. example of loving acceptance and grace to christians everywhere. you will be missed.
greetings! last week or so i was cleaning house and came across this book called "the great american detox diet" by alex jamieson. rd mentioned it was written by a friend of his who was helping him learn better eating habits a couple years back when he was receiving interferon treatment. i then realized alex is the fiance/wife(not sure if they are married yet or not) of morgan spurlock(the guy that did the movie "super size me") and after he finished the film this is how she got him back to good health in just 8 short weeks. so i read it and i seriously couldn't have said it better myself. it was illuminating to say the least. this is the beginning of a beautiful new life free from toxic substances, guilt, and constantly feeling tired and ill. i already feel like a new person and it will only get better from here on out. i would recommend this to just about everyone i know. it's not just a diet or a detox plan... it's a life changing plan although i would go further and say it's a life saving plan. my mind, body, & spirit feel energized and awakened. i am able to meditate with a clearer mind. my thoughts aren't constantly bombarding my mind like before and it has become much easier to attain the no-mind state of being. i can hold my yoga postures longer with increased flexibility. the flame is ignited once again.. my magickal studies are back on track & my focus on the great work has never been better. the only regret i have is not making this change in my life sooner.
ok so for father's day rd's mom offered to buy rd a new bed seeing as the one he has now bows in the middle like a hammock. ugh. i've been begging for a Tempur-Pedic and he's agreed it's probably the best choice. but as i sit here looking at the catalog i see they have different models and such... if anyone has one or knows which one would be the best to go with please please let me know! we're going out bed testing tonight(hopefully)..
"It is only through intensity that one arrives. When all your desires, when all your passions become one flame, it is intensity. When there is only one desire left inside you and your total being supports that one, it is intensity. It is exactly what the word says: in-tensity. The opposite word is ex-tensity. You are spread out, you have a thousand and one desires, many fragmentary desires - one going to the north, one going to the south. You are being pulled apart. You are not one, you are a crowd. And if you are a crowd you will be miserable. If you are a crowd you will never feel any fulfillment. You don´t have any center. Intensity means creating a center in yourself.
When all the arrows are coming towards the center, when all the fragments are joined together, integration arises. Becoming centered, concentrated inwards, that is the meaning of intensity. Sometimes you have known moments, in some danger when all your thought disappear, the crowd will become one. In that moment you will be one single individual, indivisible. You will be undivided, one unity. The death facing you has created the intensity. Or in love sometimes there is intensity. All else becomes irrelevant, peripheral. Only the love is all and the whole of your heart.
When such intensity arises in meditation, it brings you to the ultimate. You arrive home." -osho
everyone i have ever met has struck me in this sense. that word... "crowd"... even her. the her i never knew would be... was the... her. the her that would change everything i knew to everything i thought i knew... who would teach me the true meaning of every word or feeling i thought i knew so well.
and the last time i saw you... i have never felt more intensity than i did pulsing through my veins that night. honest engine.